Happenings

Looking at my bald head and the scars across my chest yesterday, I just wondered... how did this happen? Life is so weird. It is so good, so hard and so mixed all the time. As we prepare our home and hearts for Christmas this year, I have felt like I'm taking a back seat to the 'normal.' Still getting the gifts, planning the meals, and even getting to participate in many of the holiday festivities, but in a weird way I feel removed from it. Emmy said a couple days ago that she didn't "feel happy" like she usually does this time of year... and I feel the same. As we talked through it a bit, we realized that the weekly trips to Stanford, the loss of 'normal' and excitement as I am tired and they can't predict how I'll be feeling from day to day, and I think just the 'fog' of cancer in general that penetrates our daily life... is dampening the 'happy' feelings. But on the flipside, it generates a joy that is so deep and profound, it's hard not to be thankful. Thankful that I am here to celebrate Christmas, that we caught it, that it's treatable, that we have hope for my healthy future. Thankful that there is more to this life than just surviving. Thankful for all the blessings, and friendships, and support, and help, and love. Thankful that we are celebrating a Savior that is more than just a Christmas story, but one that loves and gives and comforts and gives meaning and purpose to this weird life.

I was given a tip from a dear friend at the beginning of this cancer journey to take lots of pictures. For those of you who know me well, this was not a tall task. But it has proven hard to remember! I just wanted to use this opportunity to share some of the happenings around here as of late... not only to share all the wonderful things that are going on, but that I can also look back and be reminded that I am here, I am able to enjoy my children, my home and our blessings in this life... thank you, Lord!

Zeke received the honor of being named Sonora El's Student of the Month for November! It was wonderful to be able to attend the board meeting and hear the amazing comments from his teachers throughout the years...

All three of these amazing kiddos were recognized for their hard work and academic accomplishments this month. Both Em & Zeke made the Superintendent's List with 4.0's and Ethan exceeded his Accelerated Reading Goal and made Super Reader! Proud of them and their efforts!

Bill and my hubby are hard at work with LOTS of house projects... garages being worked on inside and out, electrical panels changed out, a new HVAC system (we have air conditioning now!!!), and the beginnings of our solar panels!!! 

Fun with Emmy's holiday band recital and both Ethan and Emmy in our church's kids Christmas play, "Jingle Bell Beach"

 

Annual Gingerbread House decorating with friends!

Taking care to capture the moments in my heart even more so than in my camera. It's the most wonderful time of the year and I pray I never lose sight of that and all these amazing realities... weird life and all.

December update

Many of you have asked me to update the blog... and I see now that it has been a few weeks. I guess I just have felt like not much has changed in terms of news, so there hasn't been much to say... but I definitely need the prayer covering and feel like this is the best way to keep up on those targeted prayer requests, so an update it is :).

I just finished my 4th infusion of this 2nd round of chemo... 8 more to go. I go each week (usually Mondays) for the chemo called Taxol (12 total of this kind). Then every third week, they cocktail it with the chemo called Carboplatin (4 total of this kind). The simple terms that my dr used to explain things to me were that the Taxol is the clean up crew from the original pathology of my tumor (the hormone positive stuff) and the Carboplatin is the attack guns for the new pathology that came from my tumor out of surgery (the triple negative stuff). After chemo, I will be referred to a radiation doctor to determine my schedule and needs for that, but they said standard procedure is 6 weeks--but on hold there till I get closer to the end of January and finish chemo (last infusion is scheduled for January 29). 

So far, this cocktail of chemo hasn't been as bad as the AC chemo was for me. The side effects are a bit different, and they have started--bone and joint pain, restless leg, nose bleeds, dry mouth and mouth sores, insomnia, 'chemo brain', and the carbo brings nausea on, too. I've also started losing my hair again (being off chemo for 8 weeks around surgery brought back quite the head of fuzz!). They say it will get harder as it builds up more, but I am so thankful in the meantime that it's not as bad. So far my blood counts haven't been too low, I have been able to start Physical Therapy to help with arm and shoulder mobility from surgery, I have gone to work a few days, I was able to enjoy Thanksgiving, was able to decorate the house for Christmas and even am mostly done with Christmas shopping (thank you, Amazon!). 

I think one of my specific prayer requests would be to heap portions of blessing on my mom and Bill, who are giving their lives to us right now. They are living here (in their trailer), and have been since Oct 15th just before surgery, and taking care of all our needs--cooking, driving, kid stuff, taking me to appointments, working on our house, honey-do-lists, everything--so that I can focus on healing and what I can do and Brian can take care of work and do what he needs to do. What a gift. It's also been awesome to have them around for the kids--just getting to spend time with these wonderful grandparents that we usually don't get to see very much--has been so wonderful.

Another specific prayer request would be for me in this chemo process, not only that it is effective and I can handle it well, but I have noticed I've developed a 'Sunday anxiety' issue. Having chemo each Monday, I feel like Sundays are this day of dread heading into it and I get nauseous, foggy headed, and super emotional. I haven't been able to go to church because of the immunity factors, and as much as I miss my friends and community there- I don't really want to see anyone on Sundays because of the way I'm feeling. When I'm in that state, all I want to do is take a long hot shower and lay in my bed and do nothing... which is not helpful in beating any kind of anxiety... just exacerbates it! So... I would love prayer to overcome this and choose to take that time (while my family is at church) to listen to the previous weeks sermon online, read my bible and take in God's words and truth that keep me connected to him and my amazing church community. That seems like the thing to do to help beat that funky feeling, while still having that time on my own to process and gear up for that infusion. So, the prayer there is that I will choose the thing I know is good for my heart and soul, even when I don't feel like it. It's like waking up early for exercise (which is another thing I need to do--exercise!)--hard to do, but know it's what you need and feel so much better when you do. Yep... that is what needs to happen...

Otherwise, prayers for my kids, my husband, my doctors, the traffic to and from Stanford, our cars to stay good, continued healing from surgery, the house remodel process (lots of work happening out in the garage area, HVAC and electrical in the next couple of weeks), and as of today... my family in Ventura and the raging fire down there. Thank you all so much for your continued support, prayers, gifts, food and love... just love pouring down on us.