Update

A whole month since my last post... no wonder I have so many asking what is going on!

Radiation started this past week on Thursday. I was able to get the referral and feel confident with the Stanford Oncology Radiology clinic at Turlock's Emanuel Cancer Center, and that is where I am doing the treatment. I really like Dr. Zaky, nurse Sandy, Chris and David (who do the radiation), and Linda--the person who measured for my treatment and lives in Sonora :). I have 33 sessions total, which I will be doing daily Mon-Fri, so about 6 weeks or so of treatment. Each session will be about 12 minutes, and a little longer on Mondays when I have to check in with the doctor and Thursdays when they take x-rays. 

That is a lot of driving right there--it's about 1 hr and 15 mins each way (much preferred than the 3+ traffic hours to get to Stanford in Palo Alto, though!) Brian and I were debating if we should get a little commuter car or rent a car or invest in a hybrid instead of hauling my SUV up and down the hill... but decided it just wouldn't outweigh the fuel savings. We calculated the fuel cost to be right around $1000 for the entire length of treatment, including the couple trips I need to make to Stanford within the next 3 months for oncologist and plastic surgeon follow-ups. And then this happened... 

Brian texted me and said that he got an awesome gift from our Sonora High Family. And I also received yet another gift from our Columbia College Family. The love and support these two communities have shown for us has just been incredible, over and over. What gives me the goosebumps in particular this time around is that the gas cards and cash that were included in these gifts total just over $1000... um... isn't that what we had calculated we would need for all these trips (and hadn't shared with anyone)? There is even extra for lunches and a Starbucks here and there. And it's not just the financial part, either. It's the adorable handmade message board, the cards, the words of hope, faith, love and encouragement that are supplying what we need to keep up this fight, to know we are not alone and that there is something much bigger going on here than just a cancer battle. My kids are seeing the generosity and love. My husband is feeling supported and cared for. I am so amazed and humbled at how our needs are continually provided and it brings me such peace in knowing God has got me, us, in the midst of such challenge. As I treasure these gifts in my heart and wonder how I am so blessed... the Bible tells me so... 

And this time, he did it through our amazing co-workers and friends. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough!

God Moments

• Soccer mom prior to surgery--Our daughter's had been on the same team all season, but in a God moment, she reached out to me and asked, "you're in treatment for breast cancer, too?" I had been struggling to wrap my head around surgery, what my doctors were saying to expect in recovery and the reality of what was coming. This angel mom had the same surgeon, same hospital, same procedure, and was willing to share the good, bad and ugly, let me ask all my questions and shared from her heart what she wished she would have known going in. She was a literal answer to prayer I couldn't have even known I needed.
• Vincent, the awesome pre-op nurse who made sure I was comfortable and taken care of while my surgery was delayed, and also advised us on how to ask for certain areas for recovery overnight while in the hospital so that I could be most comfortable and well cared for.
• Seeing Candice and Justin at Stanford as we were all in between appointments, getting to share stories, get updates and encourage each other that God's got both of us in His hands. Her smile and positivity was so refreshing and it was great to hug each other between these tough appointments.

• The Habitat for Humanity Restore having a french door and a brand new Pella window that will work perfectly for our playroom plans at a fraction of the price of new materials. Also scored some patio lounge chairs for a great deal!

I don't think the valets at Stanford were too excited to see our truck pull up for parking service!

• While at the Restore, in the restroom, a woman who is a breast cancer survivor struck up a conversation with me. She was diagnosed when she was 42, like me, and now 10 years later she is loving life and her newly reconstructed boobs (which she showed to me without hesitation--or really even me asking). This was oddly encouraging to me, because what I have going on now looks really, really horrible--and hers were great! I have heard people are really open about this kind of thing, but this was a first for me to experience it, and I thank the Lord that it was encouraging rather than just weird!
• Dr. Lee's (my plastic surgeon) nurse practitioner suggesting that we connect with Dr. Reid in Sonora, who actually studied with Dr. Lee at some point, to do the quick check ups and post-surgery stuff locally instead of driving down to the bay area for a 10 minute appointment. I had my first appointment with Dr. Reid last week and she is amazing! I am so glad to have someone local that will be a good resource for me and save us some time and gas for quick check-ups.
• The Sonora Police Department asking Brian and his class last spring to design pink inserts to raise money during October for breast cancer awareness month. Of course we had no idea of my own diagnosis at that time, and the officers were very sympathetic when Brian told them what was going on when he dropped the inserts off at the beginning of October. They stopped by Brian's classroom today (10/30/17) with a beautiful orchid plant and a card saying that they had donated all the money raised this year from those badge inserts to Susan B. Komen research on my behalf. Just awesome, and humbling, and awesome. 
  
  
   
• Puzzles, movies and down time with the kids and my mom. 
  
  
• Thankful that I felt well enough to walk around trick-or-treating with my kids and our huge crew this year!
  
• Another gift basket from my amazingly generous Columbia College family, delicious dinners from so many friends, visits and lunches with dear ones. My mom and Dad2 giving their lives to us right now in our time of need. Prayers, texts, facebook messages and posts, calls, cards in the mail (yes, real, written cards!!!), flowers, food, and sooo sooo much encouragement. 

So many things to be thankful for, to live for, and to love 💗💗💗

Post Surgery Update

It's taken me much longer than I thought it would to put words together enough to update here. I don't know why, other than the pain med fog I've been in or that I just haven't wanted to do much of anything, but I have appreciated the individual texts, visits and questions in the meantime checking in on me and making me (and my family) feel very loved and supported.

I had my post op appts this week, so we know now beyond 'surgery went well'... the short version is that pathology came back 99% clear of cancer cells (a good result for them is 95%--so we beat that!). Also, out of the 8 lymph nodes they took out and tested, 6 were completely clear and 2 were cleared by 'evidence of treatment' (again, the chemo worked!). My doctors are taking the pathology (all the slides and evidence from surgery) to the 'Tumor Board,' which happens today, and all the smart people together in the same room come up with the best treatment plan moving forward. My oncologist has already anticipated another round of chemo (darn that 1%) called Taxol, which is a weekly IV dose but apparently isn't as harsh as the first kind I received, and that is scheduled to start Nov 14th. The tumor board is going to be looking at whether or not radiation will be recommended after that... so specific prayer request is that it will not be!

My ovaries and tubes are still intact--short version is that the 3rd surgeon responsible for that part had the flu. The silver lining is menopause is delayed for now... but we'll just schedule that procedure with the 2nd phase of breast reconstruction after everything else is done.

Which brings me to recovery... not going to lie... this hurts. It's been a week and a few days and I finally am starting to feel like a truck is not constantly resting on my chest. The pain meds have been working well and I have been sleeping a lot. These last few days, I've been able to back off of them, intermixing tylenol instead of just the big guns, which is good because it helps me not be so out of it, as well as means that I'm not in such pain that we can adjust things down. These drains they put in are a total pain--literally they hurt but they are so annoying! I was able to get 2 of the 4 out while I was down there on Wed... hoping these others can come out soon. A praise is that my surgeon provided a referral to one up here in Sonora that can help take these drains out and do a couple of the minor check ups in between now and when I go back down to start chemo. Prayer requests for that would be that all the orders come through and I can get scheduled easily for next week.

Other than that, I am definitely appreciating my husband and all the time he is taking from work to be with me in hospitals and doctor offices, my mom and Dad2's help around here in keeping the house and the kids functioning, as well as Bill doing a ton of work in the garages for Brian! The meals and the friends and gifts have been so encouraging and supportive... we are so thankful. I'm pretty sure I mention this almost every time I post something, but I can literally feel the prayers and support you all are providing in terms of the peace from God that calms my heart and mind. There have been so many 'God moments' and answers to prayers in this process that I look forward to sharing in a future post... but now, it's time for a nap. :)

Love to you all, 

Surgery is scheduled

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, October 17. Brian and I will go down the night before, check in is at 8:30am with the procedure to follow. They say it'll be about a 3-4 hour surgery, with a 24-hour watch afterward, so overnight in the hospital and home the next day, if all goes as planned 🙏.

So thankful that my mom and Dad2 are going to come and stay with us during this time... to be with the kids while we are gone and at the post-op appointments to follow, to help me in recovery, and help us keep our house functioning so Brian can work and kids can feel as normal as possible while I am down. So, so thankful.

Also thankful for all the help being offered from our wonderful friends, co-workers, and church family. The support on this journey has been incredible... the delicious home-cooked organic meals and freezer meals, the rides for our kids, the eggs and fresh produce from farms/gardens, the help around the house, the cards and gifts that are show up regularly... just an amazing blessing to both Brian and I. We are so encouraged by everyone around us, it helps us to think on our blessings instead of the burdens in this tough time. Thank you!

My Bible study book brought me to Chapter 4 in Philippians this morning, and it was impeccable timing for me and what my heart needed as I brace myself for this surgery (this is what I think it means about the Bible being a 'living word'--speaks truth where needed and when needed if you are open to it!). Here's what Wiersbe (author of the study, Be Joyful) had to say, "Chapter 4 (of Philippians) describes the spiritual resources the believer has in Christ: God's peace (vs 1-9), God's power (vs 10-13), and God's provision (vs 14-23). With resources like these, why should we worry? We have the peace of God to guard us (vs 7), guide us (vs 9), come to us when we practice right praying (vs 6-7), right thinking (vs 8), and right living (vs 9)-- God's secret victory over all worry!"

Gonna hold on to this one with everything I've got for the next few weeks!!!

My girls... and my hair.

I have the most amazing friends... I really, really do.

My sweet bible study girls have come around our family since my diagnosis in so many different ways. They have hosted a prayer night complete with floating candles symbolizing hope and faith and sticky notes with every prayer and praise I mentioned while updating everyone, and everyone took the multitudes of notes to keep praying for the specific things we need.



They used one of our Bible study Weds nights together to do a group effort on freezer meals for my family (we got 5 in one night!). They have organized a meal train for our family to help us, especially around my infusion dates when I will be down, to help our family eat well and stress less (the link is here on my blog under the 'about me' picture). And two nights ago, they hosted a 'Hat & Scarf Party' (with some other special friends in attendance, too), where I was honored and gifted with beautiful hats, scarves, cards, and some other fun and meaningful gifts from their
hearts.

And just in time, too... as my hair has officially started to fall out. Today, it's really bad... chunks of hair when I run my hands through. I've been dreading this part. Not ready to shave it down yet, but I have a feeling that, if it lasts that long, when I go for my next infusion on Tues, that will be the kicker. I'm so thankful to have these beautiful head coverings that I'm excited to use to buffer the blow. It's really sad.

I don't have any pictures of my hat party because I was truly in the moment and pretty overwhelmed... but I will remember it forever. The love and the hope these girls have for me is beautiful, and I am so blessed.

Thankful and Blessed

Now on Day #13 after infusion #1 and I am happy to report that I am feeling almost normal... which feels so good!!! 

I say almost because there is still an underlying tired in there--and with a no sugar and light caffeine policy for myself--it's hard to work out of, so a nap a day is helping! Also, acid re-flux is happening easily with random foods, so trying to keep track of what is triggering that. And, trying to be cautious about exposure to make sure my immune system can rebuild itself for the next round... thus, my family is at church and I am writing this blog post. I'm learning that I can't see all these people that I love and not want to receive their hugs! So far, I haven't started losing my hair, which they said would start sometime after days 10-14. My head is pretty itchy, and I have been given some really cute hats, and I still don't like the short hair cut... but I imagine that I will still wish I had it when it's gone.

Kids came home from Hume yesterday, with dirty and tired bodies, but great stories and hearts bursting with joy! So thankful for the counselors that took on the week with these kids, the Hume staff serving these kids with their lives this summer, and for the God-led ministry of Hume Lake Christian Camps. This is where I heard the message of a God who loved me and for the first time, accepted the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross to die for my sins--the reason for the HOPE within me! Then, I got to work there two amazing summers while I was in college. Now, my kids get to experience it, too! So fun!!!

The love and the gifts and the encouragement that continues to pour into our family is just... incredible. Jesus with skin on for me... even if you aren't believers yourselves. Every single card, call, text, message, visit, gift, meal, offer of help and prayer is felt deep in my soul and is very uplifting and significant to me. I feel like if I were to list it all, this post would go on and on and I would probably forget something, so I will just show you one of the blessings that came to me this week...

These baskets were put together for us by my Columbia College family--we were blown away! My favorite gift in the basket was a framed picture of many of my co-workers (whoever was around on that particular summer day) with a thumbs up for me, but also included were cards, hundreds of dollars in gifts cards for anything from Starbucks to gas, books to read, fresh fruit and eggs from gardens, home canned items, bible verse coloring book and pencils, and more. I said to Brian, "now do you understand why I love working where I work?" He always has, but this even blew him away! Many of you have asked if I will continue working this year with all that is going on, and the short answer is "when I can." I have an amazing boss that cares about her people and does whatever she can to make things work on our behalf (within the district HR limits, of course!). I have an amazing job that while it takes a lot of brain power, is not physical in nature, so it won't tax my body too much (and I will have a Germ-x bottle in my office for everyone I meet with!). I also have a lot of flexibility doing online counseling and teaching, so that will be part of the mix. I also really feel like it will be beneficial for me (mind, heart and body) to be involved with 'normal' life, when I can, especially when Brian and the kids go back to school. The job I do is so meaningful that it makes it worth it, and then of course the people there are so great to be around, it will be good for me (and being alone too long or too often is not!). So, when I feel like I can be there, I can be there. When I feel like I can't, there is no expectation, just support and encouragement... which is another gift in itself.

So, in the progression of the chemo effects, this week before my next infusion (scheduled for Aug 8) should be a good one, as they say after day 12, the immune system is back on the rise. As I'm already feeling good, it's quite likely that it will continue. I am living today so thankful and blessed!

"... I have hope because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness... The Lord is good to those whose HOPE is in him, to the one who seeks him" - Lamentations 3:21-23, 25

This Week

Sharing with you a few special things that have taken place this week... 

First off, we sent our big kids off to Hume Lake this morning! So incredibly thankful for them to have this week away to play, to have fun with their friends, to learn more about the amazing God that loves them so much, and to give them time away in such a beautiful place. I'm praying that they listen with their hearts and minds to the truth of God and that it would resonate so profoundly within them that they understand HOPE to it's depths.

Secondly, the kindness and care that continues to be poured out for us is truly overwhelming. Friends at work found about my diagnosis this week and they are rallying together to take on my part of Welcome Week (kind of my baby... and a big deal for the college) to keep it going smoothly. Friends grabbed kids to help get them ready for Hume, take them to swim meets and basketball camps, and sent their kids here to help weed-eat our property to help keep fire hazard down. We were brought delicious meals, given thoughtful gifts, and have received prayer filled cards in the mail or messages every single day. You have no idea (well, maybe you do) how much this all means to me and brightens my spirits. I am finally feeling better (day 5) today, and if feels good to feel better (with a couple of cat naps in there). They say that days 7-12 are when my immunity is at it's lowest and I might feel crummy again, and I'll be super susceptible to illness because I will have no white blood cells to fight off any bad stuff... so please forgive me if I don't hug you (though it goes against my very nature!!!) or ask you to wash your hands when you come to my house. 💗

Lastly, we were told that it would take about 2 weeks for the chemo to start working on my hair. In calculating that out, it would be right near when the kids came back from Hume, and I didn't want them to leave with everything 'normal' and come back to a drastic change. Plus, I didn't want to deal with long hair mess when it started falling out... too traumatic and messy. In trying to find ways to make this easier on me and our family, I decided to let Emmy play hair dresser and help me with the transition cut. She couldn't believe it and set up a whole pamper event for me, including a foot rub, nail polish and of course, a new do. We pony-tailed off what we could to send to Children with Hair Loss, a company that provides free wigs to kids who have hair loss of any kind up until age 21. I think Emmy did a really good job with my mass of hair, but she quickly realized it is NOT as easy as it looks! After a few days, the boys and I all went for haircuts, as they needed them and I felt like I still had too much hair to lose. While I was sitting in the seat, I found out that Great Clips has a 'Clips of Kindness' program and my haircut was free--which was very touching as I was thinking how dumb I was being to waste money on a haircut. Everyone says that this is one of the hardest parts of chemo. I am choosing to make it part of the journey that will bring a couple bright memories. 

That said, I might be smiling in the pictures, but I really don't like the short hair on me... As my scalp is already sort of tender and itching (what they say proceeds the hair loss), I will choose to think on truth that if the hair is falling out, it's because the chemo is working!!!

Fun at Cover's Apple Ranch

With our beautiful weather, the day off, and Brian out of town for his World Cup of Beer Competion Results, the kids and I busted out of the house and headed up to Cover's for some outside fun.  A couple of friends were able to meet us up there, so it was a great couple of hours, complete with friends, picnic lunch, train ride, apple juice and cookies!

 

Emmy with Erilynn and Kierstiana

Train Ride!

Big kids still like trains!  Zeke with his friends Adam and Logan.

Ethan in 7th heaven on a train! :)

Girls Trip 2012

For the 2nd year in a row now, I have gotten to get away with my friends for a weekend to Capitola!  This year we had a great, relaxing time--scrapbooking, walking the beach, enjoying amazing weather, trying out the famous Gayle's Bakery, playing games, reading... it was awesome!!!  Cap that off with some shopping at the Gilroy Outlets on the way home and my girl tank is full!!!

Highly unlike me, I left my camera at home (on purpose)... I had my phone and took just these two pictures.  Another thing highly unlike me is to not get pictures of the people on the trip.  So... I doctored up the picture to show who I was living it up with for the weekend!  Echo was the drink master--aren't they pretty?

My kitchen floor this week--train mania for little Ethan :)

March 4- Table Mountain w/ the Pfeiffer's & Moberg's for Keely's birthday.  Beautiful and fun!

Many of you may know that our little kitten, Anakin, who was only 6 months old, got ran over by a car a few weeks ago.  These pictures were taken just before that happened.  It was a common sight for Anakin to be snuggled up with Emmy where ever she was.  She drew lots of pictures of him, too.  This one was one of her best.  She addressed it to Mrs. Braga, her teacher, and the writing to the side says, 'Anei is my cat' (in her best spelling on her own :).  We miss our little Ani, Em keeps asking when we can go get a new one.

Zeke has got his nose in a book almost every free moment.  March is 'Hat's off to Reading' and he gets a prize for every 2 hours of reading.  He has pretty much turned in a page every day!

July 4th Celebrations

We had a great time on July 4th in our small town.
First off, I have to say I'm very proud of our little Sonora... American flags line the street of every major 'American' holiday (Vets Day, Labor Day, etc.)-
-it is very cool.
We met some friends up in Twain Harte and watched their annual parade and then the kiddos had a blast on the water slides. One cool thing they do up there is hand out little flags to all the parade watchers. Makes it super festive and fun for the kids to wave them as the parade passes by.
Then, in the evening, we met up again with some of the same friends to have a little picnic dessert, evening playtime at the park, and firework time.  Calavaras County allows fireworks (unlike our Tuolumne Co.), so we went over the river to Murphy's and the kids loved seeing the little fireworks up close. 
Next year, we'll be bringing our own! =)

Last day of...

Besides being the last day of the month, a few other things are wrapping up for me this weekend... 

- Yesterday was the last official day of the semester at Columbia College!  I love my job but I am very glad to have a little bit of a break to enjoy my family and clean my house!!!  I do have to say that it was pretty cool for me to be sitting on the 'faculty side' of a graduation ceremony last night for the first time ever.  One of my students gave me the honor of walking beside him in the processional, plus Brian's cousin Linnea as well as Janae and Nicole (who were in my small group as high schoolers) all graduated last night--it was fun to be there in the celebration with them all.  It also was the first time for me wearing my Master's hood, since I didn't walk for my graduate degree from Stan State (pictures to come when I get some back--didn't bring my own camera this time).

- Dare I say the rainy season is over?  The whole next week is projected to be in the 80's--soooo stoked about that!  Brian is on a guys trip this weekend to Lake Tahoe,  so the kids and I filled our Saturday with friends, fun, and sun!!!

Zeke has been in Jujitsu for the past few months.  He's getting close to earning his yellow belt and is excited to move up to the 7yr old class here pretty soon--he seems quite large in this 'Tiny Tots' class!
(can't believe he's going to be 7 in 24 days!!!)

Emmy and her friend Lizzie

Zeke and his friends Nathan, Ben, Wil and Johnny

These beautiful ladies are my friends Marie, Lisa and Joy

I love it when my kids take care of each other! 
Zeke is helping Ethan stand in line to get a balloon animal. =)

-I'm also feeling very motivated to organize, de-clutter and get some projects done around here!!!  Our MOPS meeting was inspiring (thank you, Spring!), as well as was my recent trip to IKEA, and with the energy the sunshine gives me, I just might be able to get something accomplished!!!  Watch for some 'before and afters'--I find that if I document the process, I tend to actually finish it!!!

Girls Getaway Weekend

For my birthday this year, Brian's gift to me was a weekend away with friends to scrapbook, relax and eat out!  What an AWESOME husband I have!!!  We planned our date and reserved a place through VRBO (Vacation rental by owner) and finally got to go last weekend. 

Some of my favorite women came with me (I didn't have room in the place for all the awesome women I know!!!) and we had a very relaxing weekend in Capitola.  The condo we rented was right on the beach with a gorgeous view, so even when we were inside scrapbooking, we were overlooking the ocean, pier and all the beach activity below.  What a place!  What a great time!!!  Thank you, ladies, for sharing my birthday gift with me (and to Jen for spending her birthday weekend with us!)!!!

Keely - Melissa - me - Amy - Jennifer

Right at the base of our condo stairs!

Sunset from our balcony.  The moon was full, bright and gorgeous, but I couldn't get a great picture after dark.  Guess I need some more practice & skills to capture moonlight on the ocean!!!



Our view back at the condo from Zelda's Restaurant, where we ate lunch.  Ours is the gray building w/ the white window trim above the bright yellow hotel room.  We were on the middle story.

 

Picture taken on our balcony.  Told you it was an awesome view!!!

This was taken at the end of the boardwalk looking toward New Brighton State Park, which Brian and I can't wait to check out the new find for camping with the fam!!!