Journal Entry - 10/30/17

So, I watched a chick flick, Safe Haven, yesterday while the family was enjoying Fall Family Fun Night at church. I thought it would be a good time to enjoy a sappy Nicholas Sparks movie, right? The main premise was a girl getting away from an abusive husband, but the unexpected angle of the movie that rocked me was that the guy she fell in love with lost his wife to cancer years before. The wife had written lots of letters before she died--for her kids mostly on those big things in life... their 18th birthday, wedding day, etc. The emotion of all that didn't hit me until the very end of the movie when the man gives a letter to the new girl he loves addressed 'To Her,' which was a letter his wife had left for the girl her husband would go on to love. I bawled. It was so well written and said would I would love to have the courage to say myself, but...

I DON'T WANT TO WRITE LETTERS LIKE THOSE. I want to be with my kids on those big events and milestones. I want my love to grow old with Brian. And that is why I am going through all of this.

Not everyone gets a chance to fight. Like the mom in this movie. Like those shot in Las Vegas or who are fatally injured in a car accident, or in so many ways that we lose our loved ones. Lots of pain and nausea and sickness for me to wade through, but I get a HOPE to be here with my family and watch my kids grow up, to help Brian pick paint colors for our new house, and write a graduate school reference letter for one of my amazing students.

Thank you, Lord, for HOPE. Thank you for the purpose you have given me and that I have a reason for the HOPE that is within. It gives me the will to endure, to suck it up, to keep going, and to keep moving forward (a line from Meet the Robinson's--one of my favs--and much more uplifting than Safe Haven!!!). 

Post Surgery Update

It's taken me much longer than I thought it would to put words together enough to update here. I don't know why, other than the pain med fog I've been in or that I just haven't wanted to do much of anything, but I have appreciated the individual texts, visits and questions in the meantime checking in on me and making me (and my family) feel very loved and supported.

I had my post op appts this week, so we know now beyond 'surgery went well'... the short version is that pathology came back 99% clear of cancer cells (a good result for them is 95%--so we beat that!). Also, out of the 8 lymph nodes they took out and tested, 6 were completely clear and 2 were cleared by 'evidence of treatment' (again, the chemo worked!). My doctors are taking the pathology (all the slides and evidence from surgery) to the 'Tumor Board,' which happens today, and all the smart people together in the same room come up with the best treatment plan moving forward. My oncologist has already anticipated another round of chemo (darn that 1%) called Taxol, which is a weekly IV dose but apparently isn't as harsh as the first kind I received, and that is scheduled to start Nov 14th. The tumor board is going to be looking at whether or not radiation will be recommended after that... so specific prayer request is that it will not be!

My ovaries and tubes are still intact--short version is that the 3rd surgeon responsible for that part had the flu. The silver lining is menopause is delayed for now... but we'll just schedule that procedure with the 2nd phase of breast reconstruction after everything else is done.

Which brings me to recovery... not going to lie... this hurts. It's been a week and a few days and I finally am starting to feel like a truck is not constantly resting on my chest. The pain meds have been working well and I have been sleeping a lot. These last few days, I've been able to back off of them, intermixing tylenol instead of just the big guns, which is good because it helps me not be so out of it, as well as means that I'm not in such pain that we can adjust things down. These drains they put in are a total pain--literally they hurt but they are so annoying! I was able to get 2 of the 4 out while I was down there on Wed... hoping these others can come out soon. A praise is that my surgeon provided a referral to one up here in Sonora that can help take these drains out and do a couple of the minor check ups in between now and when I go back down to start chemo. Prayer requests for that would be that all the orders come through and I can get scheduled easily for next week.

Other than that, I am definitely appreciating my husband and all the time he is taking from work to be with me in hospitals and doctor offices, my mom and Dad2's help around here in keeping the house and the kids functioning, as well as Bill doing a ton of work in the garages for Brian! The meals and the friends and gifts have been so encouraging and supportive... we are so thankful. I'm pretty sure I mention this almost every time I post something, but I can literally feel the prayers and support you all are providing in terms of the peace from God that calms my heart and mind. There have been so many 'God moments' and answers to prayers in this process that I look forward to sharing in a future post... but now, it's time for a nap. :)

Love to you all, 

Surgery is scheduled

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, October 17. Brian and I will go down the night before, check in is at 8:30am with the procedure to follow. They say it'll be about a 3-4 hour surgery, with a 24-hour watch afterward, so overnight in the hospital and home the next day, if all goes as planned 🙏.

So thankful that my mom and Dad2 are going to come and stay with us during this time... to be with the kids while we are gone and at the post-op appointments to follow, to help me in recovery, and help us keep our house functioning so Brian can work and kids can feel as normal as possible while I am down. So, so thankful.

Also thankful for all the help being offered from our wonderful friends, co-workers, and church family. The support on this journey has been incredible... the delicious home-cooked organic meals and freezer meals, the rides for our kids, the eggs and fresh produce from farms/gardens, the help around the house, the cards and gifts that are show up regularly... just an amazing blessing to both Brian and I. We are so encouraged by everyone around us, it helps us to think on our blessings instead of the burdens in this tough time. Thank you!

My Bible study book brought me to Chapter 4 in Philippians this morning, and it was impeccable timing for me and what my heart needed as I brace myself for this surgery (this is what I think it means about the Bible being a 'living word'--speaks truth where needed and when needed if you are open to it!). Here's what Wiersbe (author of the study, Be Joyful) had to say, "Chapter 4 (of Philippians) describes the spiritual resources the believer has in Christ: God's peace (vs 1-9), God's power (vs 10-13), and God's provision (vs 14-23). With resources like these, why should we worry? We have the peace of God to guard us (vs 7), guide us (vs 9), come to us when we practice right praying (vs 6-7), right thinking (vs 8), and right living (vs 9)-- God's secret victory over all worry!"

Gonna hold on to this one with everything I've got for the next few weeks!!!