December update

Many of you have asked me to update the blog... and I see now that it has been a few weeks. I guess I just have felt like not much has changed in terms of news, so there hasn't been much to say... but I definitely need the prayer covering and feel like this is the best way to keep up on those targeted prayer requests, so an update it is :).

I just finished my 4th infusion of this 2nd round of chemo... 8 more to go. I go each week (usually Mondays) for the chemo called Taxol (12 total of this kind). Then every third week, they cocktail it with the chemo called Carboplatin (4 total of this kind). The simple terms that my dr used to explain things to me were that the Taxol is the clean up crew from the original pathology of my tumor (the hormone positive stuff) and the Carboplatin is the attack guns for the new pathology that came from my tumor out of surgery (the triple negative stuff). After chemo, I will be referred to a radiation doctor to determine my schedule and needs for that, but they said standard procedure is 6 weeks--but on hold there till I get closer to the end of January and finish chemo (last infusion is scheduled for January 29). 

So far, this cocktail of chemo hasn't been as bad as the AC chemo was for me. The side effects are a bit different, and they have started--bone and joint pain, restless leg, nose bleeds, dry mouth and mouth sores, insomnia, 'chemo brain', and the carbo brings nausea on, too. I've also started losing my hair again (being off chemo for 8 weeks around surgery brought back quite the head of fuzz!). They say it will get harder as it builds up more, but I am so thankful in the meantime that it's not as bad. So far my blood counts haven't been too low, I have been able to start Physical Therapy to help with arm and shoulder mobility from surgery, I have gone to work a few days, I was able to enjoy Thanksgiving, was able to decorate the house for Christmas and even am mostly done with Christmas shopping (thank you, Amazon!). 

I think one of my specific prayer requests would be to heap portions of blessing on my mom and Bill, who are giving their lives to us right now. They are living here (in their trailer), and have been since Oct 15th just before surgery, and taking care of all our needs--cooking, driving, kid stuff, taking me to appointments, working on our house, honey-do-lists, everything--so that I can focus on healing and what I can do and Brian can take care of work and do what he needs to do. What a gift. It's also been awesome to have them around for the kids--just getting to spend time with these wonderful grandparents that we usually don't get to see very much--has been so wonderful.

Another specific prayer request would be for me in this chemo process, not only that it is effective and I can handle it well, but I have noticed I've developed a 'Sunday anxiety' issue. Having chemo each Monday, I feel like Sundays are this day of dread heading into it and I get nauseous, foggy headed, and super emotional. I haven't been able to go to church because of the immunity factors, and as much as I miss my friends and community there- I don't really want to see anyone on Sundays because of the way I'm feeling. When I'm in that state, all I want to do is take a long hot shower and lay in my bed and do nothing... which is not helpful in beating any kind of anxiety... just exacerbates it! So... I would love prayer to overcome this and choose to take that time (while my family is at church) to listen to the previous weeks sermon online, read my bible and take in God's words and truth that keep me connected to him and my amazing church community. That seems like the thing to do to help beat that funky feeling, while still having that time on my own to process and gear up for that infusion. So, the prayer there is that I will choose the thing I know is good for my heart and soul, even when I don't feel like it. It's like waking up early for exercise (which is another thing I need to do--exercise!)--hard to do, but know it's what you need and feel so much better when you do. Yep... that is what needs to happen...

Otherwise, prayers for my kids, my husband, my doctors, the traffic to and from Stanford, our cars to stay good, continued healing from surgery, the house remodel process (lots of work happening out in the garage area, HVAC and electrical in the next couple of weeks), and as of today... my family in Ventura and the raging fire down there. Thank you all so much for your continued support, prayers, gifts, food and love... just love pouring down on us.

Complicated Emotions--my 4am thoughts

Inside Out by Disney Pixar has got to be one of my absolute favorite movies (and my kids watched it with me last week on our rainy day!) primarily because of the brilliance of the emotional intelligence it teaches behind the entertainment. They explain such complex emotions, what makes you you, and how your brain makes sense of life in such a simple way. Ethan was able to use this movie to explain what's been going on at school with a classmate--"He's got no Honesty Island, mom, he lies all the time." It has also helped me as I try to wrap my head around the complicated and layered emotions that this cancer diagnosis has been for me and my family (and all those I love)--the trials that bring the blessings, and creating lasting impressions of mixed emotions on my heart and soul.

Trial: more chemo, 2 infusions down, 10 more to go (weekly)

Blessing: time and connection with my cousins who live close to my appointments, this type doesn't seem as harsh as the last kind I had so far and don't have as much nausea--thank you, Lord!

Trial: needing help to maintain life for our children and home

Blessing: so many family and friends providing... getting to spend time with my family, and everyone finding out where our new house is when bringing meals or coming for a visit!

Trial: missing work (which I actually love and really miss!)

Blessing: being around home (and getting to watch those movies with my kids on a school day!), being able to work from home when I can, and not being so busy with life (and wondering how I actually used to do all of this?!?!?)

Trial: insomnia by chemo

Blessing: quiet time alone, today it was getting all these thoughts out and then reading for a couple hours (trying to get sleepy, to no avail) to finish an awesome book, Wonder, so now I can go see the movie that just came out! And then a couple good cups of coffee!!!

Trial: going through this terrible disease and treatment

Blessing: reconnecting with friends and making new ones (including lots of random people), being able to walk through this same journey with a couple friends going through it now, too, being aware of how much I am loved and cared for by so many, especially my Lord. 

There are so many more, but this encompasses the gist... I am (choosing) to be thankful for the blessings in this journey. It gives me so much hope and peace. If I focus on the trials, I drown. And there are so many things to be grateful for and so many ways it could be worse. Thank you, Lord, in this season of Thanksgiving, for the bounty your love provides... and how it spills out through others onto me. 💗

Our Gratitude Project 2010

Our gratitude project was a huge success!  Each day in November, every one of our family members contributed the things they were most thankful for.  It was a great thing to do together--once I got over trying to make it look 'pretty' and just let the kids have fun with it anyway.  We had a great time talking over dinner each night about what we were going to put on the 'gratitude' board that day.  Three of my greatest blessings are smiling up at me in this picture from this afternoon playtime!

I'm thinking we'll have to do this, or something like it, every year.  I love the snapshot that it gives into our family life right now--how Emmy is learning to write and her awesome artwork, what Ethan is into playing with, what Zeke is learning about in school--as a I'm already looking forward to seeing how it looks different next year. 

Notes to self: fine tip markers would be better, one thankful thing a day will help with making room for all the great pictures, think about different color markers for each family member.

Thanks, Becky Higgins, for this great idea!!!

Gracious Hosts & Great Friends

So we wouldn't be 'alone' on Thanksgiving Day, Keely's mom invited us over to celebrate the holiday with their family and share in their delicious bounty.  Thank you so much, Mike and Laurie, for opening your home and hearts to us--it made our Thanksgiving Day special!

Thankful

We celebrated Thanksgiving early with the Miller clan and my folks in Fresno this past Saturday.  It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed the food, the company and the family togetherness. 

MOPS Craft

This is my completed craft from MOPS this last Thursday.  I did it in about 5 minutes.  I'm not sure where our Creative Activities Leader got the materials, but she had printed out bible verses on pretty backgrounds and had us use stick glue to adhere our choice of scrapbook paper to a tile, then seal it all together with mod-podge.  It can act as a trivet or a decoration--totally easy and cool.  I did one of these last Spring with a big 'M' and pretty stickers that usually sits in this spot, but it's nice to have a little 'Thankfulness' verse front and center this time of year.

Gratitude Project

Got this awesome idea off of Becky Higgins' Blog. 

It's a family project to remind us about all the things that we have to be grateful for during this Thanksgiving season.  We talked about what gratitude means as a family, and now each night over dinner, we all decide what what couple things we are most thankful for that day and write/draw it on the board. 

I used chipboard letters out of my scrapbook supplies and a 20x30 poster board from Staples.  I had the poster sized clip frame (from Ikea years ago) that I'm using to hang it up.  I just put some patterned scrapbook paper as a background to make up the difference between the frame and the poster board.  The glass is actually in front of the background holding it in and the posterboard is poster putty'd to the front of the glass.  We're using sharpies to write on it.

Already, I love the cat picture Emmy drew last night and the bottle that we know Ethan is so totally thankful for is on there.  Zeke's first thing was Family--but he only drew 3 people next to it--who is he thankful for?  I'm excited to see how this turns out... and if we continue to do it annually, how it will change as our kids grow!  I'll post our completed version after Thanksgiving! =)